Yia Yia's new blog

My mother is totally biting off me. She now has her own blog and has even named it "Astroblog". Sooo biting. But here's the thing. While we named our blog after a joke I made 8 or 9 years ago about creating a band called The Jetsons and giving the title of the first album, Astro Weeks; (Get it?! Like Van Morrison's Astral Weeks?? Yeah, hilarious.) she is actually using the term Astroblog because it is all about astrology. She thinks she is so clever. I see right through her.

So with all of this novice talk out there about mercury in retrograde, I implore you to seek professional feedback on the subject before using it as en excuse for being a douchebag. Seriously, check out her blog. She is pretty amazing.

Project Runway sucks

Project Runway: Season 6

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...but I'm not going to write about that or any of the things that bug me right now. As many of you know, Mercury is in retrograde and there was just a harvest moon, so a lot of things are extremely irritating to all of us Taureans with Cancer rising (you know who you are). However, now is not the time to list all of the things that are driving me nuts lately. I'm going to stay positive and post a picture of my kids.

I don't know where Emmett's comb-over came from in this, but he should know he's not fooling anyone.

I think the hat was a better idea.
It makes him look years younger.

This post is cheering me up already.

Okay so the boys are doing great and only one of them has sent Kara to the emergency room lately, so obviously our parenting skills are top-notch, so that's something to be happy about and not irritated by.

Also, Kara made lasagna tonight, which is the greatest food ever invented. It works as a salad, entree and dessert.

It's all going to be okay. I just have to stay positive through Halloween (which, as of two days ago, I thought was next Wednesday).

9 years and counting...

I know I said I would post more regularly, but I honestly have so little to write about. Enjoy.


Today during a playdate I was about to bite into a beautiful apple when I suddenly became very self conscious of it and asked my friend if it was alright that I ate an apple in front of him. He looked at me like I was crazy, and gave me permission to eat. (He probably looked at me like I was crazy because I usually eat like a fucking pig in front of him without even thinking about it.) I then had to explain that I am not allowed to eat apples in front of Chris. He laughed, this friend of mine, because he knows Chris and I so well and apparently has never witnessed one of Chris's freakouts about people eating loudly around him. Naturally I explained to him about this "sensitivity" so that he wouldn't think Chris and I have this weird S&M thing happening on the sly.


It is true though- the thing about me not being allowed to eat apples in front of him. He cannot stand the noises coming out of people's mouths when they are eating and when somebody takes a bite out of an apple it is like death to his ears. So now I am a little head-shy about eating apples, chips, and so on because to Chris I sound like a vacuum cleaner. Granted, I am an eater. I have no qualms about my eating and take great pride in the fact that I will eat anything. (I once dated a guy who said that I eat like a man.) But I don't eat like I have something wrong with me. I actually eat very quietly. It's Chris who has the problem and he will readily admit it when I give him the evil eye for making me feel bad for eating nachos two rooms away from him. Apparently there is a name for this condition- people who hate people who eat. Or I guess, people who have incredibly sensitive hearing to people eating. Or I guess, people who are assholes. It's called "hyperacusis". Or in my world, "bullshit".



Our 9th anniversary recently passed. It was on the 11th of September. Yeah- September 11th. And, no, it didn't happen on the actual day. We had that day for a whole two years before it became the saddest day for NYC ever. Anyway we went to see Tropic Thunder. I'm thinking we may need to try harder for our 10th.

Dirty Hippies

I really love posting. I do. And I apologize for being so lame about posting regularly. But I have a good excuse. Seriously, I do. We just started homeschooling Jack. And by proxy, I guess Emmett too.

Somebody that Chris works with asked him once- "Are you and Kara some kind of anarchists?". Not even hippies- anarchists. That's how extreme our parenting choices may seem to some people. Sure I breastfeed my children at an age where I find it cute that they can sing ABC's with my nipple in their mouth. And yes, we bring Emmett to the chiropractor for an ear infection. And circumcision? Forget about it. Chris and I take pride in the fact that Jack's penis gets an extra inch or so of hang. Our dear friend (and you know who you are) once said, "Does Jack have a lot of foreskin? You can tell from his walk that he's got a lot." (Correct me if I quoted you wrong, by the way.) I guess we parent a little differently from most parents in this country, but Anarchists? Hmmm...

So- yeah, homeschooling. We couldn't bring ourselves to send Jack to the local school. Instead I opted to be utterly exhausted at the end of every day only to find myself on the computer looking up workbooks and curriculum and looking through message boards posting the homeschool gatherings, workshops, classes, etc. But the little bugger is all the better for it, and I guess so am I. It keeps me from boozing it up and doing meth all day long. Kids- they keep you young.

Listen- my entries may be brief, disjointed, and sporadic, but I will continue to post. It's the only outlet I've got at this point. And as for my husband- what the fuck is his excuse? Nice entry about the tv shows, I just wish he would post more often. His shit is funny.

Chris and his Top Ten TV shows

I know these are mostly comedies, but other than sports and news, that's about all I watch. If you like this list, I highly recommend going here .

1. Freaks and Geeks: Hilarious before having kids, heartbreaking after.
2. The Simpsons: I used to love this show so much, and remember it as being really subversive. Now I think it's become pretty lame and useless, but I'm glad Matt Groening became so insanely successful. He seems like a great guy and the Life/Love is Hell comics are masterpieces as were the first ten or so years of this show.
3. Mr. Show: Brilliant show. Why Run, Ronnie, Run was such an unwatchable piece of shit is still beyond me.
4. News Radio: Great writing, great cast. I used to watch this religiously and to this day I give Andy Dick the benefit of the doubt whenever he gets arrested or embarrasses himself some other way.
5. Monty Python’s Flying Circus: I still think I'm cool for liking this, even though Kara and her friends seem to regard it the way they do Dungeons and Dragons.
6. 30 Rock: I've been watching this a lot lately. Some of the best TV writing I've seen.
7. Late Night with David Letterman: I lived for this show in high school and one of the greatest thrills of my life was to be on it. (Yeah, I was on it. Drew Carey was on that night too! He and Kara got into a fight.)
8. The Larry Sanders Show: I watched every episode. Loved every episode.
9. The Daily Show / The Colbert Report: I read lefty blogs a lot during the day and these shows help me come down from getting so outraged. (Coexist, y'all)
10. The Wire: We're watching this now, and it is so good that if I never see another episode, it's still in the top ten.

So there's my list, but a few years ago, Bosom Buddies would have been number one, so take it with a grain of salt.

Top Ten #2

Fucking Krissyface, man. First she convinces my husband to do this frigging blog, then she harasses me about writing. And where is Chris?? He has certainly been slacking. Okay, fine, here is another entry. Oh, by the way, Provincetown was fabulous and upon return when I opened my car door in front of our building it smelled like bottled dog urine.

Top Ten TV Shows of ALL Time

• 10. Cheers Let me just preface this by saying that a lot of these shows are going to have the same thing in common- what's on at 11pm in NYC or what's on after you get home late from partying. Cheers used to fall into both categories. It has mysteriously disappeared from our local channels here and I have to say that I miss it.
• 9. Roseanne Okay, Early Roseanne, before Roseanne opened her own diner. (Chris swears it was a sandwich shop, but whatever it was it took all of the humor out of the show.) Early Roseanne was the most realistic family sitcom ever to be put on air. Believe it or not, I aspire to have a marriage like Roseanne and Dan had. They were hot for each other in spite of the fact that they had let it all go- or at least viewers were made to believe that they used to be attractive at one point before the 3 kids. They were broke most of the time and they complained about the kids. Hmmm, I guess I no longer need to aspire...
• 8. Twilight Zone This can fall under what is on after you get home from partying. Need I even mention the ways this show has messed with my sleep deprived and dehydrated brain on New Year's? You have to admit there is something so peculiarly comforting about watching this show while nursing whatever ails you. And every year I became more and more amazed with how many of these shows I have already seen.
• 7. Flight of the Conchords As Chris has mentioned before, it can take some convincing on his part to get me into a movie or show that he has discovered first. This show is an excellent example of this dynamic between us. In spite of the fact that he would force me to watch scenes from this show as I lay there yawning and rolling my eyes, I later came to watch this show on my own and I frigging love it! Any show that has music videos ranging from David Bowie impersonations to Lord of the Rings, has me written all over it. Just do yourself a favor and look up their music videos on Youtube. You'll thank me later and I won't give any of the credit to Chris.
• 6. The Office (BBC) There is this style of humor that makes me very uncomfortable and it has hindered me from totally getting into a lot of shows and movies out there. It's the kind of humor that makes you wince and want to get the whole thing over and done with. It wasn't until we got sucked into a marathon of this show (those marathons are tricky, aren't they?) that I was able to see the brilliance behind the discomfort.
• 5. Six Feet Under This is one of the few shows listed here that Chris never watched one episode of. I think he thought that it was going to be scary so he would always scurry away as soon as he heard the opening music come on. I would try to convince him that the title had very little to do with what the show was about. Of course, every show opened with a death of some kind so he wasn't convinced. It's too bad, I literally ached for these characters when the show ended.
• 4. Project Runway Is this technically a tv show? Whatever. My heart skips a beat every Wednesday now that the new season has begun. This show knows its way to my heart and they do it with their Golden Girls references at least once a show. (See below)
• 3. Seinfeld This show falls under the category of what is on at 11pm in NYC. Chris says that I have this knack for knowing which episode it is just by watching 5 seconds of it in. I've heard him brag to other people about it like it's this really sexy feature of mine. So sad. In reality I have watched my fair share of Seinfeld episodes, but it's only because they always make me laugh.
• 2. Freaks and Geeks This show was almost #1. We first watched this show right after it got cancelled (assholes!!) and I was devasted that I would never know whatever became of Lindsay and Sam. Since then I have watched the entire season several times, and I am glad it ended when it did. There is a certain romanticism to not knowing what happens to the characters after high school. I mean, there was no need to follow 90210 to college, they should have cut us off soon after their junior year. Actually I never watched an entire episode of 90210 so I don't know what the hell I am talking about. Everybody can relate to F&G. Okay, maybe not everyone. If you were really popular and loved high school then you might have a hard time identifying with the characters, but for the rest of us normal people we were either a Freak or a Geek at one point or another. I was both, but not at the same time. I'll save that for another blog entry.
• 1. Golden Girls Okay, hear me out. Anybody who knows me knows that I am obsessed with this show. Yeah, that's right, obsessed. I used to give Sophia a hard time by calling her the weak link of the show, but I now appreciate her as a spoke in the wheel of the most humorous show ever to be put on television. Recently my friend Heather and I went to a taping of Password and when I found out that Betty White was going to be one of the guest players on the show I cried. I don't get crazy about celebrities because I could care less about how you make your money, but my hands burned from clapping so hard and my throat was sore from screaming. You would have thought I was at a Pixies concert. (Another obsession) But come on- how could you not love this show? When Dorothy drops her voice to hit a punchline, I sometimes get a knot in my throat because I love it so much. Or when Blanche prances around on her little heels resembling a female Porky Pig and talking dirty I chuckle every time. And every single time Rose makes some stupid comment and Dorothy gives her that stare, I just lose it. This show is my most favorite show of all time.

The Dick Dock beckons, oh wait, I'm already there.

Here we are fresh from our trip to NC only to whisk ourselves off to yet another destination. This will be our third year in a row to Provincetown, MA where we stay with our dear friend Susie Q and her family at their lovely historic home on Main Street. There are no other towns to compare it to and it is pretty near to being a utopic society. In the morning we frequent the nearby coffee shop, hang out at the town beach sipping tea and coffee and prepare for the day as we wait for the other adults to wake up. Then the possibilities are endless. Do we go to the beautiful beaches, the nearby hotel pool, or check out the "Critter Cruise"? If only every day can be like this...

I mean, don't get me wrong. Tomorrow I look forward to a morning of stumbling out of the bed gesturing to Chris to help Emmett out of our bed because my back is killing me. Before I even pee I rummage through our kitchen desperate to eat something. After usually settling on cereal it dawns on me that Jack has to eat and that Emmett's diaper is so full, it's resembling a pillow strapped between his legs. So I argue with Jack about how he can't have crepes or blueberry pancakes from scratch every morning and I wrestle Emmett to the ground to have his diaper changed. At which point my cereal is soggy and I still haven't peed. Chris is preparing his gourmet coffee using the Chemex method and is scanning through his Google Reader. This promptly leads to me bitching about the dishes in the sink from the night before and banging things around so that I can make my tea. Jack starts to eat his frozen, now toasted, organic blueberry waffle and wants to know if we are going to do "something fun today". I choke down my vitamins and eye the computer, but feel too lazy to switch from Chris's account to my own. Chris gets in the shower and I try to address the "fun" plans for the day and unless the plan involves a museum, beach or a zoo I have to then address the issue of how to deal with disappontment without screaming or whining. Chris is now getting dressed for work and I finally pee and shower myself, sometimes simultaneously.

While it may be hard to believe that the glamorous morning above is readily shunned for the mornings on the Cape, I've already started packing.