Thanksgiving Memories

Six years ago my good friend Tammy roped me into one of the most bizarre experiences of my life. She had been doing some part-time work at Macy's for a few years around Thanksgiving time helping them out with the extra workload the holidays bring them. And every year as an incentive they would offer their employees either access to bleacher seats to watch the parade or give them the opportunity to be a part of the parade. Well after having spent one very cold morning with a racist grandma watching the parade (not her grandma), Tammy thought it would be fun to actually be in the parade the following year.

This is where I come in. Tammy asked if I would like to be in the parade with her. I think my response was, "Do we get to hold a balloon?". And her response was like, "CLOWN CAMP!!". Now anybody who knows me at all, would know that I had a serious fear of clowns growing up. If a clown was in the vicinity, I would do one of those silent screams with tears rolling down my face. And in fact that may have been my response to Tammy's offer. But quickly I said yes. Since I was pregnant with Jack at the time, I thought it would be this really cool memory to tell my future unborn child about later in his years and he would think he was so cool and that his mother was so cool. And how much fun would it be to share joy with every girl and boy along the parade route?

We had to train at Clown Camp one Sunday afternoon and doggone it I was going to be the best damn clown they have ever seen! We played games and learned some dances for when the parade slowed down. I think we may have worn noses. I dreamed of being a cute little princess clown, or even a hobo clown... Then we learned we were going to be Mouse Clowns. Awww, cute!

Thanksgiving morning came around and I woke my pregnant ass up before sunrise and giggled as I put on my maternity pants. I met Tammy on a deserted subway platform and our excitement could not be contained. We were going to be fucking Mouse Clowns!!! We got to the hotel where we were to put on our costumes and our make-up and wigs and there were people everywhere. And then we got to where the mouse clowns were. (Record scratches.) Are you kidding me?? With phalic tails and terrifying snouts, we looked more like demonic sewer rat clowns.

It didn't matter because the clowns who were the most enthusiastic in the parade could win a prize!!! We could win that prize! So we got dressed , got our make-up and wigs on and got on the bus to the parade. We got to the starting point and felt the joyous energy of the crowd and when the bands played and the parade moved forward, we raced forward and didn't stop. We ran to keep the parade moving and when the parade slowed down we did our dances and played with the kids on the sidelines. We had it in the bag, baby!

When we got back to the hotel, we passed some mirrors on the way to the changing area. We were horrified at what we saw staring back at us. In addition to the catastrophic costumes they had given us, we now had makeup smeared and dripping down our sweaty faces. Needless to say, we did not win any prizes that day. And the children? I didn't see any look of joy on their faces. Enjoy the pictures... Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Tammy going into a gay mouse clown bar on Columbus Ave.

Kara taking a mouse clown pee on a tree.

Kara looking very mouse clown cute.

Kara's muted tv

This will be brief, but I just wanted to share this. A lot of times, Kara has to lie down with Emmett at night while he's sleeping to nurse him or keep him calm. When she does this, she watches the tv in our room with the mute on so she can read the closed captioning. This resulted in Kara once giving me a review of "Ray" (the Ray Charles biography) after watching the movie without the sound on. (She liked it.) I haven't seen it myself, but now I don't think I need to.
I just think it's funny that Kara watched a biography of Ray Charles with the sound off.

TAG

I have been tagged by Krissyface. Bless her heart she still wants me to write something from time to time. For the past two weeks my boys have been taking turns being sick with the most annoying illnesses known to mankind. First Jack had the stomach virus and I didn't know it until he made it very clear by vomiting all over the Astoria Blvd platform. Then Emmett developed bronchitis which would make him cough every time he laid flat in bed, which in turn meant that he had to sleep upright using my body as his posturpedic. Two days after that he woke up screaming because his eyes had been sealed shut from conjunctivitis. A couple of days after that Jack's eyes looked like he had just blown his nose all over them. The other day on our way back from Jack's homeschooling soccer class (my first day out with them in a week), in the middle of a totally fucked up commute, Emmett threw up somewhere in the underbelly of Times Square after a dickhead wearing a tie looked at him and said, "He doesn't like the subway, huh?". Anyway, I am supposed to tell you six random things about myself and then tag six others.



1. I could have met Chris three times before we actually met. The first time his band came to play at my college's "Feast for the Senses" (so lame, right?) and my boyfriend's band had played right before his did. The second time I went to go see his band (Cheater) play at CBGB's because my best friend knew the drummer for his band. I was drinking tequila and stormed out of there before I was introduced to him. The third time there was a holiday party that my boss wanted me to go to because Chris was going to be there and she wanted to hook us up. I told her the last thing I needed was another boyfriend. I met him a couple of months after that at the coffee shop where we worked and I was wearing the clothes I had slept in the night before with an apron over it.



2. My aunt was an actual playboy bunny for the playboy club in the late 70's and I used to sit on the edge of the sink in the bathroom and watch her put her makeup on.



3. I studied flamenco dance from the time I was 4 1/2 to 12 years old.



4. When I was 9 years old I wanted to be a writer and a doctor. Somebody told me about William Carlos Williams and I was sold.



5. On a camping trip once with my family, my brother Jesse and I went for a hike with some other kids we met at the campground and we got lost. Then I remembered that whenever you get lost on a trail you can follow a stream going down and it will lead you back to civilization. We followed a stream right into a correctional facility. The guards there were nice enough to give us a ride back to the campground.



6. I once watched the sunrise while playing basketball on an empty court with my cousins in Puerto Rico.



That was fun. Thanks, Krissyface for taking me out of the viral funk I have been in lately. Now who should I tag? I can only think of a few.



Chris- c'mon honey. You need to write again.



Leila. I know you want to.



Josh. You may not do it. But I fucking love your blog.