Thanksgiving Memories

Six years ago my good friend Tammy roped me into one of the most bizarre experiences of my life. She had been doing some part-time work at Macy's for a few years around Thanksgiving time helping them out with the extra workload the holidays bring them. And every year as an incentive they would offer their employees either access to bleacher seats to watch the parade or give them the opportunity to be a part of the parade. Well after having spent one very cold morning with a racist grandma watching the parade (not her grandma), Tammy thought it would be fun to actually be in the parade the following year.

This is where I come in. Tammy asked if I would like to be in the parade with her. I think my response was, "Do we get to hold a balloon?". And her response was like, "CLOWN CAMP!!". Now anybody who knows me at all, would know that I had a serious fear of clowns growing up. If a clown was in the vicinity, I would do one of those silent screams with tears rolling down my face. And in fact that may have been my response to Tammy's offer. But quickly I said yes. Since I was pregnant with Jack at the time, I thought it would be this really cool memory to tell my future unborn child about later in his years and he would think he was so cool and that his mother was so cool. And how much fun would it be to share joy with every girl and boy along the parade route?

We had to train at Clown Camp one Sunday afternoon and doggone it I was going to be the best damn clown they have ever seen! We played games and learned some dances for when the parade slowed down. I think we may have worn noses. I dreamed of being a cute little princess clown, or even a hobo clown... Then we learned we were going to be Mouse Clowns. Awww, cute!

Thanksgiving morning came around and I woke my pregnant ass up before sunrise and giggled as I put on my maternity pants. I met Tammy on a deserted subway platform and our excitement could not be contained. We were going to be fucking Mouse Clowns!!! We got to the hotel where we were to put on our costumes and our make-up and wigs and there were people everywhere. And then we got to where the mouse clowns were. (Record scratches.) Are you kidding me?? With phalic tails and terrifying snouts, we looked more like demonic sewer rat clowns.

It didn't matter because the clowns who were the most enthusiastic in the parade could win a prize!!! We could win that prize! So we got dressed , got our make-up and wigs on and got on the bus to the parade. We got to the starting point and felt the joyous energy of the crowd and when the bands played and the parade moved forward, we raced forward and didn't stop. We ran to keep the parade moving and when the parade slowed down we did our dances and played with the kids on the sidelines. We had it in the bag, baby!

When we got back to the hotel, we passed some mirrors on the way to the changing area. We were horrified at what we saw staring back at us. In addition to the catastrophic costumes they had given us, we now had makeup smeared and dripping down our sweaty faces. Needless to say, we did not win any prizes that day. And the children? I didn't see any look of joy on their faces. Enjoy the pictures... Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Tammy going into a gay mouse clown bar on Columbus Ave.

Kara taking a mouse clown pee on a tree.

Kara looking very mouse clown cute.