Merde

In honor of our dear friend, Kristin's, recent blog entry (see blog list at right) about her daughter's obsession with poop, I thought I would share my own thoughts on the topic. You see, it's not just four and five year olds that are obsessed with nose picking, penis vs vagina, and of course defecating, but it seems throughout my life there have been several people of all ages who have found shitting to be a source of great amusement. A word of warning: the following will definitely make Chris very uncomfortable.


My mother: For as long as I can remember, my mother has been very open with her bodily functions. She and my aunt still laugh about how they would chase me around the apartment (a rather large apartment on the upper westside) farting at me. She would notoriously fart loudly and immediately try to put the blame on anyone within the nearest vicinity. (Bill Cosby has an entire bit about his father blaming imaginary animals on his farts- my mother found this to be hilarious.) And then when she was on the can, the door would be wide open where she would continue to carry conversations either on the phone or with anyone who could stomach the smell. Usually my brothers and I because we had been subjected to it from such early stages that the smells didn't phase us so much. There was even a time when I was 14 and my best friend, Diana, and I had returned back to my place way later than our curfew and my mother called us into the bathroom as soon she heard the door. We stood in the bathroom doorway as she proceeded to ground us while she was sitting on the toilet. The amazing thing about this is that a) we were still scared about being so late and b) that we didn't walk away from her as she lectured us about paying attention to the time when we were out. Okay, so maybe she isn't obsessed with poop, just really open and relaxed about it. But I still can't think about the subject without thinking of my mother.



Mike: I met my friend Mike in college. He was the best friend of my boyfriend (who was also very obsessed with pooping-see below) and we were inseparable when said boyfriend was in India. I learned a lot about the foods that Mike ate and how they came out in the end. He would report on the subject after almost every meal we had together. After having Jack one of the first questions he asked was whether or not it was true that you shit when you are pushing the baby out. A valid question, but should it be the one of the first questions you ask? Is it any wonder I still love him? He's recently had a beautiful baby girl, so now he can obsess over her little dirty diapers.



College Boyfriend: I know it's just wrong to write about your ex-boyfriend on a blog that you write with your husband; but I seriously can't avoid this guy's obsession with bodily functions. So to be fair, I have left his name out in fear that he may come upon this in some "random Google search" and will be totally pissed. Before this guy, I never even farted in front of a boy who wasn't one of my brothers. I don't know if it's the liberal arts thing or what- but boys in college just don't care. In fact, they kind of get off on girls having it all out there. Whether it's unshaven legs (which I had) or beer farts/burps (which I did), liberal arts college boys think it's so cool to have a girlfriend who isn't concerned with being "girly". Now back to CB. If there were such a thing as side by side toilets, we would have had them. We would keep each other company if either of us were relieving ourselves and we always laughed at each other when we farted. Besides, it came with the territory of the typical vegetarian fare we were eating back then. And what started off as fun farting pooping humor, turned ugly when he came back from his semester abroad in India. Granted he came back with giardia, but he tracked every cramp, fart, or bowel movement like they were signs from God.



And of course there have been several others in my life who were either really open about their bodies and what they do, or they would discuss it incessantly. Sure my five year old would laugh if you even utter the word "poop", but so does my mother. As an aside, in college before dance performances every dancer would go around whispering "Merde" to each other before going on stage. I will let you know that I always smiled back with a cheery, "Thank you!". And if I were to choose an entire population of people who would represent poop obsession, it would have to be actors. (Specifically theatre actors, because I haven't worked that closely with film actors and I am guessing it might be different with them.) Inevitably during a rehearsal break or when a group is in the green room waiting for their scene, their digestive issues come up. And it's always funny, even if it's painful.