NYC to the NC to the NYC

Hey Y'all, at the request of Krissy, I am writing. I am tired though, so be kind, friends.

Recently we took a trip to North Carolina. We decided to use our stimulus check aka "hush money" to take a vacation that had nothing to do with visiting friends and/or family. And while we were at it, take a little look-see at the towns there to see if relocating could be a possibility for us. So while it's still fresh in my mind, I'll share the things that spring to mind about our adventures there.

People drink a lot of iced tea there, or rather "sweet tea" and boy is it good. The thing that amazes me though is that they seem completely unaffected by all of the caffeine that is running through their systems on a constant basis. Maybe it's because they are sweating it all out from the heat. In any case it is the most refreshing and civilized drink that goes with just about any food. I was happy about that.

Chris had lost all sense of direction in NC. We made so many U-turns and cut off so many people, even NYers would have been blown away. I mean right up to the bloody end of our trip we ran into trouble. I thought we were in the clear driving along Airport Blvd with the Avis sign just up ahead, when Chris pulls into their exit driveway with the spikes pointing in our direction daring us to continue. Even after I started stammering "Not here, not here!", Chris looked at me bewildered, "What, what?!". Yeah, that was a close call. Jack at one point even declared, "Dada, you really should have gotten that GPS!". He is sooo my son.

There are a lot of wasps, hornets, bees, what have you. And for those of you who know me, know that I don't like bugs. Let alone bugs that have the potential to be lethal. They hover around doorways just waiting for someone oblivious to come along. And everyone was oblivious to them! There I was dodging and running through doorways shouting at the kids to get in, while everyone else is just leaning back, having conversations, holding doors open for other people, maybe the occasional lazy hand gesture toward them- like "go on. fly away little bug." Where do these fucking bugs come from?! And they were huge with stingers so visible, there was a glint to them in the sunlight.

Everyone is friendly there and will help you even if it's inconvenient for them or if they hate you. On our first day there we went to the Whole Foods in Chapel Hill to grab some snacks, diapers, and lunch. After we ate I got up to bring the trays inside with the leftover food and when I opened the door this air blew out at me from inside and the napkins went flying everywhere. This man came out of nowhere and grabbed the door for me so that I could pick up the napkins at which point due to shock, I lost control of the trays. Food all over the floor along with the dishes and silverware. He calmly looked at me with a smile and said "You have just made a dog's dream come true!". And then he helped me gather everything and opened the door again for me. While the fascinating details described above may seem ordinary to the lay person, it is not ordinary in ASStoria.

Accents are a strange thing. When I was in college everybody thought I was from Vermont and were always shocked to find that I was from NYC. Vermont? I don't have any sort of accent as far as I can tell and when I meet someone with an accent of any kind, I kind of love it. Now, for some reason in NC the accent threw me. Whenever I spoke to somebody who had a real southern accent, my knee-jerk reaction was to smile as if they were playing a joke on me. I would look at them as if to say, "Are you kidding me?". Quickly I would remember where I was and would get it together. The other funny thing is how we all start to acquire the accent that is around us. Madonna in England, for example. Or Chris in NC. And much like Madonna in England, Chris's accent picked up some strange habits and sometimes I wasn't sure what he was doing. I don't think people from New England are supposed to sound like they are from the South. The tongue just won't allow it.

All in all we had a great time and as for relocating, well, when you get home and your block smells like a dead horse just shat all over your stoop, any other option seems plausible. But no worries my friends, we are here for now and I am going to love the hell out of it. In spite of the smell.